Crap Towns / Norfolk / Fakenham
Fakenham
8/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 8. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
It's real. We checked.
Peep Show fans think it's made up. It isn't. They're not missing much.
Fakenham is a real place, though most people only know it from a Peep Show wedding. It's got a gas museum, a racecourse and a football club called the Ghosts. The town centre has a building that's been under scaffolding for ages, and every shop that shuts turns into a barber's.
Barclays, HSBC, Lloyds and NatWest have all announced closures since 2022, which per head is 14 times the typical town's rate. What's left is 12 hairdressers and 2 Greggs. The old gas works they kept as a museum is on the Heritage at Risk register. No park, no pool, but plenty of toilets. Otherwise it's annoyingly tidy.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Fakenham's 98 for broadband means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Broadband98/10021.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 45.5% across the North Norfolk council area
- Sewage spills58/100385 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Rain54/100130 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution31/1005.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.8 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions26/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour22/10010.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson18/1004.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires13/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene11/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 72 food businesses with a rating
- Fly-tipping5/1004.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, North Norfolk council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 6 | Dereham | 35 |
| 7 | Downham Market | 33 |
| 8 | Bradwell | 33 |
| 9 | Wymondham | 18 |
| 10 | North Walsham | 17 |
| 11 | Watton | 10 |
| – | Fakenham | 8 |
| 12 | Attleborough | 4 |
| 13 | Taverham and Drayton | 1 |
Fakenham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 58.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 23% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 6 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 7.2 per 10,000 people, 10.3x the typical town's 0.7
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 12 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 3 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 47.7 per 100,000 people, 14x the typical town's 3.4
- 8 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 9.5 per 10,000 people, 5.9x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
- 1 place on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- midnight last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 26.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,564 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
North Norfolk council
- £2,460 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £68 more than the English average
- 8% of Norfolk County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 50% lower than England's 16%
- None ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Fakenham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.