Crap Towns / West Lothian / East Calder
East Calder
19/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 19. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about East Calder? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
East Calder. Houses, and more houses.
An old village disappearing under new estates, with a lovely country park and barely a pub to go round.
East Calder was a village till the builders found it. Calderwood's new estates are wrapped round the old bit and still going, and there's 1 pub to serve the lot. Almondell country park is lovely, everyone lives a short walk from a park and the shoplifters can't be bothered. Nothing gets set on fire. It's annoyingly nice, apart from the dog mess, which is everywhere.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
East Calder's 78 for rain means it's crapper than 78% of towns.
- Rain78/100153 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Food hygiene47/100
- Serious road collisions45/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson36/1006.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Sewage spills32/100107 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Broadband24/1003.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.7% across the West Lothian council area
- Anti-social behaviour15/1004.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires9/1005.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution7/1005.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Bathgate | 77 |
| 2 | Whitburn | 68 |
| 3 | Armadale | 58 |
| 4 | Livingston | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.5 | Broxburn | 30 |
| 6 | Linlithgow | 20 |
| – | East Calder | 19 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
East Calder by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 37.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 31% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 14 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 19.3 per 10,000 people, 3.4x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 1 hairdresser on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 13% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.09am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 40% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 94% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,331 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 13% lower than the typical town's 1,532
West Lothian council
- £1,628 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £25 less than the Scottish average
- 31% of West Lothian council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 78 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 43.0 per 100,000 residents, 24% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 88.4% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
East Calder against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.