Crap TownsBritain's towns, rated by the people stuck in them

Crap Towns / Nottinghamshire / Cotgrave

Welcome to

Cotgrave

Nice park. You're not from round here, are you?
Twinned with a hello that nobody returns

17/100Crap Score

Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 17. Higher scores are crapper.

How the score works

Have your say

Crap Town of the Year 2026/27

See the race

The public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.

Letters from the locals

Got something to say about Cotgrave? Write in.

Say hello. See what happens.

The old pit's a country park now. The welcome's still bloody cold.

Cotgrave turned the old pit into a country park and sorted itself out, which leaves its old nickname, Grotcave, out of work. It's quiet, safe and there's sod all to do. The locals can be your best mate on Monday and blank you on Tuesday. Say hello and wait. You'll be waiting a while.

What it hasn't sorted is the internet. Gigabit gets to 58.9% of premises and 37 can't even get the legal minimum speed, so you won't get a reply online either. Rushcliffe charges well over England's average in council tax for the privilege. It hardly ever rains, mind. Even the weather keeps itself to itself.

The editor, still waiting for a nod back

What the score is made of

Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.

Cotgrave's 98 for broadband means it's crapper than 98% of towns.

  • Broadband98/10041.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.1% across the Rushcliffe council area
  • Food hygiene58/1004.4% rated 0 to 2, of the 23 food businesses with a rating
  • Air pollution37/1006.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
  • Criminal damage and arson34/1005.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
  • Fly-tipping32/1008.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Rushcliffe council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
  • Anti-social behaviour31/10012.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
  • Deliberate fires28/1003.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
  • Sewage spills24/10055.3 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
  • Rain19/100117 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
  • Serious road collisions16/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
Your patch: NottinghamshireTowns in the same county. Top of the table is crappest.
PosTownNationalScore
13Mansfield Woodhouse446th55
14Balderton450th54
15New Ollerton and Ollerton451st54
16Beeston642nd35
17West Bridgford658th33
18Arnold735th25
19Carlton739th25
–Cotgrave–17
20Bingham823rd16

Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.

Cotgrave by numbers

Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.

Crime, muck and dodgy water

What's left on the high street

Getting about, getting online, getting rained on

Rushcliffe council

Have a crap-off

Cotgrave against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.

CotgraveCrap Score 17
v
Radcliffe on TrentCrap Score 32

Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.