Crap Towns / Lancashire / Colne
Colne
99/100Crap Score
6th crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in Lancashire. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Colne? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Even the motorway stops.
The motorway ends here. Have a look round and you'll see why it didn't carry on.
Colne is where the M65 just stops, and one look tells you why. Locals call it Bonny Colne upon the Hill. Bonny. The banks are going, the shops are going, and they've talked about a bypass for decades.
Anti-social behaviour comes in at nearly three times the typical town's rate and the local firebugs set a fire more than three times as often. The back alleys across Pendle are a free tip. The kitchens fail their hygiene inspections two and a half times as often as the typical town's. It pisses down on 167 days a year and the sun manages 1,281 hours. There's one hairdresser in the whole town.
Once a year the blues festival brings people here on purpose. The pubs are good.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Colne's 98 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour98/10040.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping97/10051.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Pendle council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions95/1004.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain90/100167 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene88/1006.3% rated 0 to 2, of the 159 food businesses with a rating
- Criminal damage and arson88/10011.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires88/10019.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Sewage spills61/100422 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution27/1006.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband22/1004.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.7% across the Pendle council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Padiham | 100 |
| 2 | Blackburn | 100 |
| 3 | Colne | 99 |
| 4 | Bacup | 99 |
| 5 | Darwen | 99 |
| 6 | Lancaster | 99 |
| 7 | Accrington | 99 |
| 8 | Burnley | 98 |
| 9 | Preston | 98 |
Colne by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 100 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 31% higher than the typical town's 76.2
- 4 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 2.3x the typical town's 0.9
- 9 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2021
What's left on the high street
- 17 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 bank, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 8.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (2 of 25) Worse: 2x the typical town's 4.0%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 5.3 per 100,000 people, 1.6x the typical town's 3.4
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 31% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 2 public swimming pools open Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.59pm last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 20.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 32% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,281 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 16% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Pendle council
Have a crap-off
Colne against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.