Crap Towns / West Midlands / Birmingham
Birmingham
86/100Crap Score
People from here are Brummies.
141st crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in the West Midlands. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Birmingham? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Stop saying Venice
Somebody always mentions Venice. Then you see the shopping trolley in the canal.
Birmingham will tell you it has more canals than Venice. Venice doesn't have shopping trolleys in them. The council went bust, the bin men walked out, and the bags piled up in the streets until the rats were in the papers. Even in a good year it only gets 20.3% of household waste recycled, about half England's rate.
868 of the 7,242 food places with a hygiene rating score 0 to 2, five times the typical town's share, so eating out is a lottery. The air carries 1.8 times the typical town's nitrogen dioxide. There are 32 places on the Heritage at Risk register, and 24 public pools have shut for good since 2010. And people still call Brummies Yam Yams, which pisses them off more than any of it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Birmingham's 99 for food hygiene means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Food hygiene99/10012.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 7,242 food businesses with a rating
- Air pollution95/10014.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Serious road collisions88/1003.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping84/10017.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Birmingham council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson83/10010.3 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain55/100131 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Deliberate fires46/1005.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour45/1009.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Broadband24/1004.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.0% across the Birmingham council area
- Sewage spills20/10040.1 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Walsall | 92 |
| 2 | Wednesbury | 90 |
| 3 | Birmingham | 86 |
| 4 | Bloxwich | 84 |
| 5 | Brownhills | 82 |
| 6 | West Bromwich | 81 |
| 7 | Cradley Heath | 77 |
| 8 | Dudley | 76 |
| 9 | Willenhall | 74 |
Birmingham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 127 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 76.2
- 8,873 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 79.1 per 10,000 people, 71.9x the typical town's 1.1
- 61 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
What's left on the high street
- 338 pubs, 579 hairdressers, 88 charity shops, 111 bookmakers, 22 vape shops, 107 banks, 65 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 14.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (129 of 867) Worse: 3.7x the typical town's 4.0%
- 38 bank branch closures announced since 2022 About the same: 3.4 per 100,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 3.4
- 3 libraries shut for good since 2010: Cocks Moors Woods Neighbourhood Library (2010), West Heath Library (2016) and Kents Moat Library (2017)
- 115 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.0 per 10,000 people, 38% lower than the typical town's 1.6
- 43 public swimming pools open; 24 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 43% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 32 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 2.39am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.8% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 25.5% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,492 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Birmingham council
- £2,363 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £29 less than the English average
- 3% of Birmingham council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 81% lower than England's 16%
- 113 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Birmingham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.