Crap Towns / East Sussex / Battle
Battle
48/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 48. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Battle? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Wrong town on the tea towel.
Hastings got the famous name. Battle gets the coach parties and the charity shops.
The Battle of Hastings happened in Battle. Nobody knows that, which tells you everything. The town gets the abbey and the coach parties, the High Street gets every lorry in East Sussex, and Hastings still gets the credit. Gutted.
The High Street is built for the coach parties: charity shops at nearly seven times the typical town's rate per head, plus hairdressers, pubs and public toilets. There's no actual park. The storm overflows spill for 7.6 times as long as the typical town's, and there's no bus after 8.13pm. After that it's you and the abbey.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Battle's 98 for broadband means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Broadband98/10035.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 25.6% across the Rother council area
- Sewage spills94/1002,073 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2024 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson59/1007.8 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour55/10015.9 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain43/100125 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping38/1008.9 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Rother council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Serious road collisions35/1001.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires33/1004.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution24/1005.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Food hygiene21/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 49 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Lewes | 70 |
| 4 | Eastbourne | 66 |
| 5 | Bexhill-on-Sea | 54 |
| 6 | Brighton and Hove | 51 |
| – | Battle | 48 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.7 | Hailsham | 35 |
| 8 | Peacehaven | 30 |
| 9 | Polegate | 23 |
| 10 | Uckfield | 18 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Battle by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 60.9 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 33 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 61.9 per 10,000 people, 18.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 serious pollution incident within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2022
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 5 charity shops, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 7.5 per 10,000 people, 4.7x the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.13pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 40.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space, and OS maps no public park here Worse: 2.6x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,771 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 16% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Rother council
- £2,701 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £309 more than the English average
- 18% of East Sussex County Council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 13% higher than England's 16%
- 5 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Battle against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.