Crap Towns / West Dunbartonshire / Balloch
Balloch
73/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 73. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Balloch? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Lovely loch. It's raining on it.
The gateway to Loch Lomond, which means coach parties, ice cream and a queue to get home whenever the sun's out.
Balloch is where Glasgow comes to look at Loch Lomond, eat a cone and sit in a queue to get home. It rains on 185 days a year, so when a dry Saturday does come round, the whole of the west of Scotland turns up at once.
The paddle steamer's been tied up at the pier for longer than most of the village can remember. Every few years somebody draws up a giant holiday resort for the loch shore, and everyone has to turn out and object all over again. Even the argument's knackered.
There are over four times the typical town's public toilets per head, for the coach parties, and 6 pubs for a village this size. The storm overflows spilled at more than four times the typical town's rate, so maybe give the paddle a miss.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Balloch's 99 for rain means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Rain99/100185 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills86/1001,172 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Anti-social behaviour78/10011.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson63/1008.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires56/10024.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene55/1006.0% told to improve, of the 50 food businesses inspected
- Broadband54/1009.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.2% across the West Dunbartonshire council area
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions45/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution1/1003.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Clydebank | 96 |
| 2 | Dumbarton | 83 |
| – | Balloch | 73 |
Balloch by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 61.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 13% higher than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 5 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 8.3 per 10,000 people, 48% higher than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.7 per 10,000 people, 4.2x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.16pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,314 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 14% lower than the typical town's 1,532
West Dunbartonshire council
- £1,682 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £29 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of West Dunbartonshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 49 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 3 upheld Worse: 55.4 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 92.5% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Balloch against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.