Crap Towns / West Dunbartonshire / Clydebank
Clydebank
96/100Crap Score
Locals are Bankies.
38th crappest of 984 towns. It's the crappest of the two ranked towns in West Dunbartonshire, which isn't hard. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Clydebank? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
The ships left. The firebugs didn't.
Clydebank launched the biggest liners in the world. Now it's got 4 pubs and 1 hairdresser.
Clydebank built the Queen Mary and the QE2, and the Titan Crane still stands on the waterfront to prove it. Nothing's been lifted in years. The town centre is a shopping centre, and it's the kind of shopping centre you walk through quickly. Glasgow swallowed the place long ago, but try calling a Bankie a Weegie.
Deliberate fires run at more than twice the typical Scottish town's rate, bins mostly, and 2025/26 was the worst year yet. Anti-social behaviour's nearly twice the typical Scottish town's, and the storm overflows spilled at over seven times the typical town's. There are 4 pubs for the whole town, which might explain the mood.
Dumbarton's up the road, and the Sons of the Rock reckon they're the posh end of West Dunbartonshire. Being posher than Clydebank isn't much to brag about.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Clydebank's 97 for rain means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Rain97/100178 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills94/1002,045 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Anti-social behaviour91/10014.2 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires90/10046.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson86/10010.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions84/1002.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene71/1007.0% told to improve, of the 199 food businesses inspected
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Broadband31/1004.3% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.2% across the West Dunbartonshire council area
- Air pollution23/1007.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Clydebank | 96 |
| 2 | Dumbarton | 83 |
Clydebank by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 85.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 1.6x the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 74 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 28.2 per 10,000 people, 5x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.0% of takeaways inspected told to improve (3 of 30) Worse: 10% higher than the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 7 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.7 per 10,000 people, 1.7x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.08am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 3.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 79% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,346 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
West Dunbartonshire council
- £1,682 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £29 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of West Dunbartonshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 49 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 3 upheld Worse: 55.4 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 92.5% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Clydebank against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.