Crap Towns / West Dunbartonshire / Duntocher
Duntocher
37/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 37. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Duntocher. The Romans had it first.
The edge of the Roman Empire, now the edge of Clydebank. Not much of a promotion.
Duntocher has a Roman fort in the park and a Roman Bridge the Romans never built. The Empire got as far as here, had a look at the weather and stopped. It rains on 181 days a year. There are more bookies than pubs, 1 Greggs for the whole village, and the gala's gone. What's left is setting fire to the hillside, and 2025/26 was the busiest year yet for that.
Not one storm overflow spilled near Duntocher in three years. It's the only thing round here that stays dry.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Duntocher's 98 for rain means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Rain98/100181 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions71/1002.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires59/10025.6 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Food hygiene50/1005.3% told to improve, of the 38 food businesses inspected
- Broadband46/1007.4% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 8.2% across the West Dunbartonshire council area
- Anti-social behaviour31/1006.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson20/1004.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Air pollution11/1006.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills2/1000.0 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Clydebank | 96 |
| 2 | Dumbarton | 83 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Duntocher | 37 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Duntocher by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 34.2 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 37% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 9 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 13.7 per 10,000 people, 2.4x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.10am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 1.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 92% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,350 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 12% lower than the typical town's 1,532
West Dunbartonshire council
- £1,682 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £29 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of West Dunbartonshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 49 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 3 upheld Worse: 55.4 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 92.5% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Duntocher against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.