Crap Towns / City of Edinburgh / South Queensferry
South Queensferry
21/100Crap Score
Known as the Ferry.
782nd crappest of 984 towns. It's the less crap of the two ranked towns in Edinburgh. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
South Queensferry. Look up.
Three bridges over the Forth, a man covered in burrs every August, and boy racers on the Hawes of a night.
South Queensferry sits under three bridges over the Forth and calls itself the Ferry, though there hasn't been a ferry since 1964. On a sunny weekend half of Edinburgh drives out to look at the bridges. Every August a man walks round the town covered head to toe in burrs, drinking whisky through a straw, and that's the tradition. At New Year they jump in the Forth in fancy dress.
The rest of the year the boy racers rev it up round the Hawes. There are 6 public toilets, which come in handy after the dip. Getting a takeaway delivered out here still takes some fucking doing.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
South Queensferry's 69 for rain means it's crapper than 69% of towns.
- Rain69/100143 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills58/100388 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Criminal damage and arson46/1006.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband35/1005.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 7.3% across the City of Edinburgh council area
- Anti-social behaviour31/1006.8 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Food hygiene30/1003.3% told to improve, of the 60 food businesses inspected
- Air pollution30/1008.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Deliberate fires24/10010.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions7/1000.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Edinburgh | 67 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.2 | South Queensferry | 21 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
South Queensferry by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 63.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 17% higher than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 11 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 10.8 per 10,000 people, 1.9x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 5 hairdressers, 3 charity shops on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 6 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.9 per 10,000 people, 3.7x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.28am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- Under 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Far lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 54% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,439 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 6% lower than the typical town's 1,532
City of Edinburgh council
- £1,626 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £27 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of City of Edinburgh council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 176 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 1 upheld About the same: 34.2 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 92.8% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
South Queensferry against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.