Rawtenstall. Say it out loud.

Rawtenstall, Rottenstall if you say it how it sounds, has steam trains, a dry ski slope and a temperance bar. It needs the dry slope. The rain turns up on 179 days a year and the sun's out for 1,307 hours.

The bus to Manchester turns up late or not at all, the valley road's jammed and people get killed or badly hurt on the roads at twice the typical town's rate. Anti-social behaviour's double the typical town's too, and the storm overflows spill for five and a half times as long. The banks have announced four closures since 2022. The market's good, mind.

The editor, still waiting for the Manchester bus