The Port's on fire again.

Port Glasgow built ships for a century and a half, and the one yard left is famous for taking the best part of a decade to finish two ferries for the islands. There's a giant steel sculpture of shipbuilders in Coronation Park, which is about as many shipbuilders as you'll see. They had a replica of the Comet, Europe's first proper passenger steamer, and left it to rot in the middle of town until it had to be carted off.

The hills round the Port get set alight like it's a hobby. The fire brigade gets called to deliberate fires 3.9 times as often as in the typical Scottish town, and grass, woods and crops go up at nearly eight times. That's with rain on 195 days a year. They still manage.

Whatever you do, don't say it's part of Greenock. Portonians don't take it well.

The editor, who smelt the hills burning from the train