Crap Towns / Inverclyde / Greenock
Greenock
83/100Crap Score
167th crappest of 984 towns, and the crappest in Inverclyde. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Greenock. Absolutely drookit.
Clyde shipyards, sugar refineries and cruise passengers who don't stay long.
Greenock built ships and refined sugar for half the world, and was so pleased with itself it went by Sugaropolis. The yards shut, the refineries shut, and the Sugar Sheds sat empty on the waterfront for years. The big ships that turn up now are cruise liners, and the passengers take one look at the precinct and get on a coach to Loch Lomond.
The rain comes down on 199 days a year, 1,645 mm of it, more than twice the typical town's. Gourock's wetter, and still looks down on Greenock. Somehow the local firebugs get the hillsides going anyway: grass and woods go up at two and a half times the typical Scottish town's rate.
Drugs offences run at nearly three times the typical Scottish town's. Port Glasgow is next door, and the pair of them have been arguing over which is worse since the ships stopped. It's Greenock. It's the crappest in Inverclyde.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Greenock's 99 for rain means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Rain99/100199 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Serious road collisions92/1002.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires80/10036.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene72/1007.1% told to improve, of the 294 food businesses inspected
- Broadband72/10010.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 14.4% across the Inverclyde council area
- Anti-social behaviour65/10010.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Sewage spills51/100
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Criminal damage and arson49/1007.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Air pollution5/1004.9 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Greenock | 83 |
| 2 | Port Glasgow | 65 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Gourock | 23 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Greenock by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 68.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 26% higher than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 3 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 0.7 per 10,000 people, 22% lower than the typical Scottish town's 0.9
What's left on the high street
- 10 pubs, 20 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 5 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 6 banks, 2 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 12.5% of takeaways inspected told to improve (6 of 48) Worse: 37% higher than the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 9 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.1 per 10,000 people, 31% higher than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.02am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.6% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 20% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 15.3% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space About the same: About the same as the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,296 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 15% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Inverclyde council
- £1,674 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £21 more than the Scottish average
- 36% of Inverclyde council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 16 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 20.4 per 100,000 residents, 41% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 89.8% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Greenock against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.