Crap Towns / Argyll and Bute / Oban
Oban
82/100Crap Score
Known as the Seafood Capital of Scotland.
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 82. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
The fireworks lasted under a minute.
A ferry terminal with a town round it, and fish suppers at Edinburgh prices.
Oban calls itself the Gateway to the Isles, which tells you most folk are only here to catch a boat. In summer the front is coaches and queues for fish suppers at Edinburgh prices. Up the hill there's a copy of the Colosseum a local banker started in the 1890s and never finished. Very Oban.
Gigabit broadband reaches 5.0% of premises. Serious crashes come in at 1.8 times the typical Scottish town's rate, which is what you get when every caravan in Britain is queueing for the same boat.
And on Bonfire Night in 2011 the whole fireworks display went off at once and was over in under a minute. Folk still bring it up.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Oban's 100 for broadband means it's crapper than 100% of towns.
- Broadband100/10095.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 76.1% across the Argyll and Bute council area
- Rain100/100208 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills99/100
- Serious road collisions93/1003.0 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene71/1009.4% told to improve, of the 32 food businesses inspected
- Anti-social behaviour68/10010.6 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Criminal damage and arson10/1004.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires3/1003.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution0/1002.8 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 3.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| – | Oban | 82 |
| 1 | Helensburgh | 53 |
Oban by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 36.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 32% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 3 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 3.8 per 10,000 people, 32% lower than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
- Excellent Ganavan's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 9 pubs, 12 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 vape shop, 4 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.3 per 10,000 people, 3.9x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 11.34pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 33% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,241 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 19% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Argyll and Bute council
- £1,783 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £130 more than the Scottish average
- 48% of Argyll and Bute council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 33% higher than Scotland's 36%
- 30 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld About the same: 34.9 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 93.7% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Oban against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.