Crap TownsBritain's towns, rated by the people stuck in them

Crap Towns / Nottinghamshire / Keyworth

Welcome to

Keyworth

We know all about rocks. Not about buses.
Twinned with a rock with a research grant

16/100Crap Score

Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 16. Higher scores are crapper.

How the score works

Have your say

Crap Town of the Year 2026/27

See the race

The public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.

Letters from the locals

Got something to say about Keyworth? Write in.

Rocks, flies and farmyard smells

Clever folk studying rocks, buses that don't turn up and a whiff of farmyard.

Keyworth is home to the British Geological Survey, so it knows exactly what's under the village. It doesn't know when the bus to Nottingham is coming, and nor does the bus. The new estates keep spreading, and the people in them have found out that farms smell and bring flies.

Nobody does anything wrong here except the sewers. The sewers overflow for 5.4 times as long as the typical town's, and you'd think the rock experts might have noticed. It has 3 public swimming pools, which for a village is showing off. Annoyingly decent otherwise.

The editor, who smelt the farmyard from the new estate

What the score is made of

Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.

Keyworth's 89 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 89% of towns.

  • Sewage spills89/1001,470 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
  • Food hygiene56/1003.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 27 food businesses with a rating
  • Broadband46/1002.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 19.1% across the Rushcliffe council area
  • Air pollution37/1006.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
  • Rain36/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
  • Fly-tipping32/1008.0 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Rushcliffe council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
  • Serious road collisions32/1001.8 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
  • Deliberate fires11/1002.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
  • Anti-social behaviour1/1005.5 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
  • Criminal damage and arson1/1002.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
Your patch: NottinghamshireTowns in the same county. Top of the table is crappest.
PosTownNationalScore
13Mansfield Woodhouse446th55
14Balderton450th54
15New Ollerton and Ollerton451st54
16Beeston642nd35
17West Bridgford658th33
18Arnold735th25
19Carlton739th25
–Keyworth–16
20Bingham823rd16

Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.

Keyworth by numbers

Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.

Crime, muck and dodgy water

What's left on the high street

Getting about, getting online, getting rained on

Rushcliffe council

Have a crap-off

Keyworth against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.

KeyworthCrap Score 16
v
RuddingtonCrap Score 3

Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.