Crap Towns / Dumfries and Galloway / Dumfries
Dumfries
87/100Crap Score
Locals are Doonhamers.
124th crappest of 984 towns. It's the crappest town in the table for Dumfries and Galloway because it's the only one big enough to be in it. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Dumfries. Mind the gulls.
The Queen of the South, they call it. The gulls run the High Street and the Nith runs through the car park.
Dumfries calls itself the Queen of the South, and so does its football team, which tells you where the bar's set. The Nith comes over the Whitesands most winters and they've been arguing about a flood wall for years. The High Street is To Let signs with empty flats on top, and the gulls got so bad there's been a summit about them. An actual summit. About gulls.
Anti-social behaviour runs at two and a half times the typical Scottish town's rate and crime at half as much again. Twice as many food businesses as in the typical Scottish town get told to improve, and the sewage spills came in at nearly five times the typical town's in 2025. The sun manages 1,291 hours a year.
Doonhamers put 1,150 potholes on FixMyStreet in a year. It's the crappest town in Dumfries and Galloway, and it beat Stranraer to it.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Dumfries's 98 for anti-social behaviour means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Anti-social behaviour98/10019.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband92/10014.6% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 33.1% across the Dumfries and Galloway council area
- Sewage spills88/1001,318 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Food hygiene84/10011.0% told to improve, of the 210 food businesses inspected
- Rain81/100157 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Criminal damage and arson79/1009.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions45/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires31/10013.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution2/1003.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Dumfries | 87 |
Dumfries by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 83.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 1.5x the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1,150 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 341 per 10,000 people, 60.9x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 23 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 7 charity shops, 4 bookmakers, 3 vape shops, 7 banks, 4 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 16.7% of takeaways inspected told to improve (6 of 36) Worse: 1.8x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Better: 3.0 per 100,000 people, 12% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 8 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.4 per 10,000 people, 1.5x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.19am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.3% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.6x the typical town's 0.5%
- 3.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 77% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,291 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 16% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Dumfries and Galloway council
- £1,579 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £74 less than the Scottish average
- 57% of Dumfries and Galloway council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 1.6x Scotland's 36%
- 38 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 1 upheld Better: 26.1 per 100,000 residents, 25% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 98.4% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) Better: 7% higher than Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Dumfries against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.