Crap Towns / East Lothian / Cockenzie
Cockenzie
38/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 38. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Cockenzie. Where the chimneys were.
A fishing village that spent fifty years in the shadow of a coal power station, and kind of misses the chimneys.
Cockenzie spent its life next to a coal power station with two big chimneys you could see from Fife. They blew them up in 2015 and the village has been arguing about the land ever since. What went on it was a substation for the wind farms out at sea, which needs hardly anyone to run it. The big jobs never came.
The gala still goes out round the harbour in decorated fishing boats, and both bathing waters were rated Good. The kitchens are the let-down: they get told to improve at nearly twice the typical Scottish town's rate.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cockenzie's 72 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 72% of towns.
- Serious road collisions72/1002.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Food hygiene71/1009.7% told to improve, of the 31 food businesses inspected
- Deliberate fires56/10024.2 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Criminal damage and arson45/1006.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband39/1004.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 12.2% across the East Lothian council area
- Sewage spills29/10090.4 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Rain23/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour19/1005.4 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Air pollution4/1004.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.5 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Musselburgh | 74 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Cockenzie | 38 |
| 2 | Haddington | 27 |
| 3 | Tranent | 20 |
| 4 | Prestonpans | 18 |
| 5 | Dunbar | 13 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Cockenzie by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 48.7 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 10% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 5 reports of broken street lights on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 9.6 per 10,000 people, 10.7x the typical Scottish town's 0.9
- 0 of 2 bathing waters here or within 2 km rated Excellent in 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 5 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 5.7 per 10,000 people, 3.6x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.18am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.0% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: Against the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,483 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
East Lothian council
- £1,698 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £45 more than the Scottish average
- 34% of East Lothian council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 6% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 38 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, 1 upheld About the same: 33.8 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 91.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Cockenzie against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.