Crap Towns / Bristol / Bristol
Bristol
86/100Crap Score
134th crappest of 984 towns. It's the crappest town in Bristol because it's the only one. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Another photo of the bridge, then.
The timetable's full of buses. The stop isn't. The dumped mattresses are real enough.
Bristol has a famous bridge, a big old ship and balloons, and it won't shut up about any of them. On paper the buses run all night, more than twice the typical town's in the evening. Stand at the stop and see how many of them are real.
The roads are a shambles and people crash on them, at 1.8 times the typical town's rate. Mattresses get dumped on every corner, the local firebugs are always setting fire to something, and bike theft runs at nearly five times the typical town's rate, so your bike's gone too. Rent costs a bloody fortune and the council wants £2,714 for a Band D home on top. And don't call it Brizzle.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Bristol's 93 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 93% of towns.
- Serious road collisions93/1004.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Fly-tipping85/10020.5 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Bristol council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Criminal damage and arson84/10010.4 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Deliberate fires80/10012.7 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour78/10021.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Air pollution66/10011.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.6 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Rain65/100138 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills38/100160 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Broadband32/1005.8% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.9% across the Bristol council area
- Food hygiene19/1001.7% rated 0 to 2, of the 2,989 food businesses with a rating
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Bristol | 86 |
Bristol by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 127 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Worse: 1.7x the typical town's 76.2
- 19,185 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 451 per 10,000 people, 410x the typical town's 1.1
- 16 serious pollution incidents within 1 km since 2016, the latest in 2026
- Excellent Henleaze Lake's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 273 pubs, 362 hairdressers, 81 charity shops, 33 bookmakers, 25 vape shops, 24 banks, 17 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 2.9% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (10 of 342) Better: 28% lower than the typical town's 4.0%
- 13 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 3.1 per 100,000 people, 9% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 3 libraries shut for good since 2010: Lawrence Weston (2017), Long Ashton (2018) and Lockleaze Library (2024)
- 192 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.5 per 10,000 people, 2.8x the typical town's 1.6
- 25 public swimming pools open; 7 closed for good since 2010 Worse: 0.6 per 10,000 people, 14% lower than the typical English town's 0.7
- 13 places on England's Heritage at Risk register
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- All night buses on a Wednesday Better: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 2.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 4.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 12.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 19% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,617 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Better: 6% higher than the typical town's 1,532
Bristol council
Have a crap-off
Bristol against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.