Crap Towns / Bedfordshire / Arlesey
Arlesey
17/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 17. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Keep driving. Nope, still Arlesey.
A road that goes on and on and never turns into a town.
Ever been to Arlesey? Course you haven't, you drove straight through it, because it's just a road. It goes on for miles and never turns into a town. The big claim to fame is they used to dig up fossilised dung and flog it as fertiliser.
The storm overflows spill for half as long again as the typical town's, so the dung's not all fossilised. There are swings everywhere, three times as many play spaces per head as the typical town, and hardly any actual park to put them in. Fancy a night out? The last bus goes at 8.15pm and there isn't one on a Sunday, so it's the train to Hitchin like everyone else.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Arlesey's 60 for sewage spills means it's crapper than 60% of towns.
- Sewage spills60/100416 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Air pollution53/1007.2 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband48/1005.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 13.3% across the Central Bedfordshire council area
- Fly-tipping40/1009.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Central Bedfordshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires40/1005.0 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene37/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 17 food businesses with a rating
- Serious road collisions28/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour25/10011.1 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson9/1004.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Rain3/100109 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Houghton Regis | 60 |
| 4 | Dunstable | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.5 | Kempston | 27 |
| 6 | Sandy | 17 |
| – | Arlesey | 17 |
| 7 | Leighton Buzzard | 13 |
| 8 | Stotfold | 10 |
| 9 | Flitwick | 4 |
| 10 | Biggleswade | 2 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Arlesey by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 42.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 44% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 61 reports of fly-tipping on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 101 per 10,000 people, 91.8x the typical town's 1.1
What's left on the high street
- 4 pubs, 2 hairdressers, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 8.15pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.7% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 40% higher than the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 30% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,582 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Central Bedfordshire council
- £2,516 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £124 more than the English average
- 13% of Central Bedfordshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 19% lower than England's 16%
- 17 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Arlesey against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.