Crap Towns / Bedfordshire / Ampthill
Ampthill
2/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 2. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Ampthill. Annoyingly bloody nice.
Ampthill's quite nice and knows it. The worst thing about it is parking. Poor sods.
Ampthill has a Great Park, a castle site, hardly any crime and a town centre that's fine. Bloody irritating. Not one of its food places has a low hygiene rating. The only hobby is calling Flitwick Shitwick and saying the T nice and clear.
The name means a hill full of ants. These days it's full of people moaning about parking. The real catch is getting home: not one bus leaves after 7pm on a Wednesday, and on a Sunday there's nothing at all. All that sneering at Flitwick, and then you have to ring somebody in Flitwick for a lift.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Ampthill's 60 for air pollution means it's crapper than 60% of towns.
- Air pollution60/1008.1 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 7.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Broadband42/1003.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 13.3% across the Central Bedfordshire council area
- Fly-tipping40/1009.2 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Central Bedfordshire council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Rain21/100118 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills21/10043.3 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene19/1000.0% rated 0 to 2, of the 52 food businesses with a rating
- Deliberate fires17/1002.9 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions11/1001.1 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Anti-social behaviour7/1007.6 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Criminal damage and arson4/1003.2 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 3 | Houghton Regis | 60 |
| 4 | Dunstable | 40 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.5 | Kempston | 27 |
| 6 | Sandy | 17 |
| 7 | Leighton Buzzard | 13 |
| 8 | Stotfold | 10 |
| 9 | Flitwick | 4 |
| 10 | Biggleswade | 2 |
| – | Ampthill | 2 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Ampthill by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 33.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 57% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 97 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 110 per 10,000 people, 32.4x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 6 hairdressers, 3 charity shops on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 banking hub opened here
- 2 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.3 per 10,000 people, 44% higher than the typical town's 1.6
- None public swimming pools open Worse: Against the typical English town's 0.7 per 10,000 people
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- None buses after 7pm on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: The typical town's last bus goes at 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 29.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 1.9x the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,567 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Central Bedfordshire council
- £2,516 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £124 more than the English average
- 13% of Central Bedfordshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 19% lower than England's 16%
- 17 ombudsman complaints upheld against the council in 2025-26
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Ampthill against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.