Crap Towns / East Ayrshire / Stewarton
Stewarton
18/100Crap Score
Known as the Bonnet Toun.
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 18. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Stewarton? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Stewarton. Commuters and hairdressers.
Made the bonnets for half of Scotland. Now it makes commuters for Glasgow.
Stewarton made bonnets for centuries and still has the Bonnet Guild gala. Most places would have let the hat thing go by now. These days it mostly makes commuters. They keep building houses for Glasgow folk who want a garden, and the doctor's and the schools are full to bursting. Crime's half the typical Scottish town's and the vandals hardly bother.
There are more than twice as many hairdressers per head as in the typical town, so everyone looks smart for the train. Then the rain comes in on 186 days a year and that's the hair done.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Stewarton's 99 for rain means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Rain99/100186 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband74/1008.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 21.2% across the East Ayrshire council area
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Sewage spills49/100264 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Food hygiene47/1005.0% told to improve, of the 40 food businesses inspected
- Deliberate fires44/10018.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour15/1004.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson6/1003.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions4/1000.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution2/1003.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.4 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Kilmarnock | 73 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Stewarton | 18 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Stewarton by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 28.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 49% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 7 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 8.9 per 10,000 people, 1.6x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 8 hairdressers, 1 charity shop, 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 10.0% of takeaways inspected told to improve (1 of 10) Worse: 10% higher than the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.30pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 60% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.2% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 54% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,302 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 15% lower than the typical town's 1,532
East Ayrshire council
- £1,717 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £64 more than the Scottish average
- 37% of East Ayrshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 22 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 18.3 per 100,000 residents, 47% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 92.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Stewarton against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.