Crap Towns / Rutland / Oakham
Oakham
2/100Crap Score
963rd crappest of 984 towns. It's the crappest town in Rutland because it's the only one. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Oakham. Stuck at the level crossing.
Rutland's county town. Castle full of horseshoes. The level crossing stops everything.
Oakham is the county town of Rutland, and if you're there more than ten minutes somebody will mention it. It's the crappest town in Rutland. It's also the least crap, because it's the only one. The castle hall is covered in horseshoes left by visiting peers, which is about as rowdy as it gets.
Then there are the vape shops. Per head Oakham has 11 times the typical town's, which is a lot of blueberry ice for somewhere this posh, and the charity shops aren't far behind. The level crossing shuts the town every time a train comes through. Midweek there's no bus after 7.07pm, and on a Sunday there isn't one. Very safe, very clean, very Rutland.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Oakham's 47 for broadband means it's crapper than 47% of towns.
- Broadband47/1001.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 21.2% across the Rutland council area
- Sewage spills46/100230 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2023 to 2025
- Food hygiene40/1001.9% rated 0 to 2, of the 105 food businesses with a rating
- Rain39/100123 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Air pollution39/1006.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 6.9 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Criminal damage and arson31/1005.7 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Anti-social behaviour18/10010.0 per 1,000 people a year, September 2023 to August 2026
- Fly-tipping7/1004.1 incidents per 1,000 people a year, Rutland council area, 2022-23 to 2024-25
- Deliberate fires3/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Serious road collisions1/1000.6 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oakham | 2 |
Oakham by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 51.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (September 2023 to August 2026) Better: 33% lower than the typical town's 76.2
- 190 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 156 per 10,000 people, 45.9x the typical town's 3.4
What's left on the high street
- 7 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 11 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 4 vape shops, 2 banks on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 0.0% of takeaways rated 0 to 2 for hygiene (0 of 15) Better: Against the typical town's 4.0%
- 2 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Worse: 16.4 per 100,000 people, 4.8x the typical town's 3.4
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.1 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 1.6
- 1 public swimming pool open; 1 closed for good since 2010 Better: 0.8 per 10,000 people, 14% higher than the typical English town's 0.7
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 7.07pm last bus out on a Wednesday, and none on a Sunday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 0.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: Against the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,553 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Rutland council
Have a crap-off
Oakham against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.