Crap Towns / East Renfrewshire / Newton Mearns
Newton Mearns
21/100Crap Score
Known as the Mearns.
773rd crappest of 984 towns, and 3rd in East Renfrewshire. Higher scores are crapper.
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Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
The Mearns. Graffiti, apparently.
Big houses spreading over the fields south of Glasgow, and the school catchment is the only thing anyone talks about.
Newton Mearns is the south side's answer to Bearsden: big houses, bigger cars, and the catchment area first on every estate agent's list. It keeps spreading over the fields, and the folk who got here first object to every new house. You'll struggle to find a pint or a haircut.
The big local crime wave is graffiti. More of it got reported on FixMyStreet than anything else, 65 reports, which is a lot of somebody's teenager with a spray can. Crime overall is 65% lower than in the typical Scottish town. It rains on 182 days a year, which is hard on the paintwork.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Newton Mearns's 98 for rain means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Rain98/100182 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills77/100
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions47/1001.7 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Deliberate fires30/10012.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene28/1003.1% told to improve, of the 65 food businesses inspected
- Broadband18/1003.7% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 4.7% across the East Renfrewshire council area
- Air pollution14/1006.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.7 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Anti-social behaviour4/1002.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson3/1003.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Barrhead | 55 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.2 | Giffnock | 33 |
| 3 | Newton Mearns | 21 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Newton Mearns by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 19.3 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 65% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 65 reports of graffiti and fly-posting on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026
What's left on the high street
- 1 pub, 2 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 3 banks, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 About the same: 3.5 per 100,000 people, about the same as the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 0.4 per 10,000 people, 75% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.54am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.2% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.4x the typical town's 0.5%
- 22.4% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Worse: 45% higher than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,334 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 13% lower than the typical town's 1,532
East Renfrewshire council
- £1,620 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £33 less than the Scottish average
- 36% of East Renfrewshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 32 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld About the same: 33.0 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 95.3% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Newton Mearns against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.