Crap Towns / Glasgow City / Glasgow
Glasgow
93/100Crap Score
Known as Glesga. Edinburgh calls them Weegies.
71st crappest of 984 towns. It's the crappest town in Glasgow because it's the only one. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
Got something to say about Glasgow? Write in.
agree it's crap have defended it
Miles better. Than what, nobody said.
The Dear Green Place. It's green because it never stops raining on it.
Glasgow built the world's ships and now builds Greggs, 2.7 times the typical town's ration of them. The yards on the Clyde are flats and a museum about the yards. Sauchiehall Street, where you went to be seen, is To Let signs, vape shops and somebody shouting at a bus stop. Buchanan Street's fine. Folk walk up and down it pretending the rest of the town centre isn't there.
It rains on 173 days a year, and in between the showers the place goes for it. Anti-social behaviour comes in at 1.9 times the typical Scottish town's, there are more than twice as many serious crashes, and the bins get torched more than anything else that goes up. The streets are a midden: only 82.3% of the ones checked passed as clean. Folk reported 2,082 potholes on FixMyStreet in a year. The council's still counting.
Edinburgh thinks Glasgow is rough. Glasgow thinks Edinburgh is a castle with a gift shop and nobody to talk to. A Glasgow funeral is a better night out than an Edinburgh wedding. Nobody from Glasgow has ever been invited to an Edinburgh wedding to check.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Glasgow's 99 for serious road collisions means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Serious road collisions99/1003.5 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Rain94/100173 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Anti-social behaviour94/10015.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Food hygiene94/10013.0% told to improve, of the 4,614 food businesses inspected
- Deliberate fires64/10028.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson62/1008.0 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Air pollution48/10011.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 5.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
- Sewage spills39/100164 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Broadband26/1005.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 5.1% across the Glasgow City council area
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Glasgow | 93 |
Glasgow by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 83.5 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Worse: 1.5x the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 2,082 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 33.7 per 10,000 people, 6x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 313 pubs, 327 hairdressers, 68 charity shops, 92 bookmakers, 20 vape shops, 45 banks, 50 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 15.3% of takeaways inspected told to improve (134 of 874) Worse: 1.7x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 19 bank branch closures announced since 2022 Better: 3.1 per 100,000 people, 9% lower than the typical town's 3.4
- 126 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 2.0 per 10,000 people, 25% higher than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 1.19am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.9% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 1.8x the typical town's 0.5%
- 7.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 51% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,322 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 14% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Glasgow City council
- £1,706 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £53 more than the Scottish average
- 31% of Glasgow City council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 14% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 122 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 19.6 per 100,000 residents, 44% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 82.3% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) Worse: 11% lower than Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Glasgow against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.