Crap Towns / South Ayrshire / Girvan
Girvan
32/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 32. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Girvan. The bandstand's had it.
A fishing harbour, a wide beach, a big rock out at sea and a seafront that's been shut for the season for decades.
Girvan's got a harbour, a big sandy beach and Ailsa Craig sitting out in the firth, where the world's best curling stones come from. That's the view. Turn round and it's empty shops, a bandstand that's been waiting years for somebody to fix it, and an old jail tower they call Auld Stumpy. Down the coast is the cave where the cannibal family supposedly lived, and the town's quite proud of that.
The Bank of Scotland shut and a banking hub opened instead. The bookies outnumber the typical town's more than two to one, head for head.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Girvan's 92 for rain means it's crapper than 92% of towns.
- Rain92/100171 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Broadband89/10018.1% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 18.6% across the South Ayrshire council area
- Anti-social behaviour54/1008.7 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson50/1007.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions33/1001.3 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills33/100
- Deliberate fires18/1008.4 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Food hygiene10/1000.0% told to improve, of the 60 food businesses inspected
- Air pollution0/1002.4 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Ayr | 59 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Girvan | 32 |
| 2 | Prestwick | 25 |
| 3 | Troon | 14 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Girvan by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 41.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 24% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 15 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 23.8 per 10,000 people, 4.3x the typical Scottish town's 5.6
- Sufficient Girvan's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 1 hairdresser, 1 bookmaker, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 15.9 per 100,000 people, 4.7x the typical town's 3.4
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 6.3 per 10,000 people, 3.9x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.01am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 6.8% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 56% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,336 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 13% lower than the typical town's 1,532
South Ayrshire council
- £1,695 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £42 more than the Scottish average
- 38% of South Ayrshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Worse: 6% higher than Scotland's 36%
- 39 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld About the same: 35.0 per 100,000 residents, about the same as Scotland's 34.7
- 90.8% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Girvan against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.