Crap Towns / East Ayrshire / Cumnock
Cumnock
74/100Crap Score
Known as Scumnock.
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 74. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Crapper than Kilmarnock. Just.
Coal town. The pits shut, the shops followed, and somebody keeps setting things alight.
Cumnock dug coal for generations, and when the pits went the town was left with a square, a lot of rain and a nickname that everyone in Ayrshire knows. It scores crapper than Kilmarnock, which in East Ayrshire is worth a party, if there was anywhere left to have one. Locals reckon the council only ever thinks about Kilmarnock anyway.
Something gets deliberately set alight nearly twice as often as in the typical Scottish town, and the storm overflows spill seven times the typical town's hours. Of the 18 takeaways inspected, 4 were told to improve. The Bank of Scotland shut. Auchinleck Talbot are next door, and neither side has forgiven the other for anything.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Cumnock's 98 for rain means it's crapper than 98% of towns.
- Rain98/100182 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills93/1001,982 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Deliberate fires86/10042.3 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Criminal damage and arson73/1008.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Broadband73/1007.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 21.2% across the East Ayrshire council area
- Anti-social behaviour61/1009.2 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Food hygiene56/1006.3% told to improve, of the 64 food businesses inspected
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions33/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution0/1002.7 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| – | Cumnock | 74 |
| 1 | Kilmarnock | 73 |
Cumnock by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 49.1 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 10% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 80% lower than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 1 bookmaker on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 22.2% of takeaways inspected told to improve (4 of 18) Worse: 2.4x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 11.3 per 100,000 people, 3.3x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.1 per 10,000 people, 31% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.10am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 80% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 10.9% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 30% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,270 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 17% lower than the typical town's 1,532
East Ayrshire council
- £1,717 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £64 more than the Scottish average
- 37% of East Ayrshire council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 22 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 18.3 per 100,000 residents, 47% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 92.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Cumnock against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.