Crap Towns / Perth and Kinross / Crieff
Crieff
25/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 25. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Crieff. Very tidy round the dereliction.
An old Highland cattle-market town with gallows lore, rotting hotels and more hairdressers than it could ever need.
Crieff was where the Highland drovers brought their cattle to sell, and it's still got the stocks to prove it. Now it sells walking weekends to pensioners, and the middle of town has hotels that have been falling down for years while everyone argues about them. There are 13 hairdressers for a town this size. The hotels could do with that sort of attention.
Crime's about half the typical Scottish town's and the air is barely there. 31.5% of premises can't get gigabit broadband, and the Bank of Scotland has gone.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Crieff's 99 for broadband means it's crapper than 99% of towns.
- Broadband99/10031.5% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 44.9% across the Perth and Kinross council area
- Food hygiene79/10010.1% told to improve, of the 69 food businesses inspected
- Rain79/100155 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Serious road collisions33/1001.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson23/1005.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Sewage spills17/10029.8 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Anti-social behaviour15/1004.4 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires5/1004.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution0/1002.5 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.1 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Perth | 59 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Crieff | 25 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Crieff by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 27.6 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 49% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 2 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 2.8 per 10,000 people, 50% lower than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 6 pubs, 13 hairdressers, 2 charity shops on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 14.0 per 100,000 people, 4.1x the typical town's 3.4
- 3 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 4.2 per 10,000 people, 2.6x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.01am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 13.6% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 12% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,289 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 16% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Perth and Kinross council
- £1,674 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £21 more than the Scottish average
- 33% of Perth and Kinross council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 85 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 56.3 per 100,000 residents, 1.6x Scotland's 34.7
- 88.1% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Crieff against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.