Crap Towns / Angus / Carnoustie
Carnoustie
19/100Crap Score
802nd crappest of 984 towns, and 4th in Angus. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
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Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Carnoustie. Mind the dog shite.
A quiet seaside town with a golf course so hard the players have a swear word for it.
Carnoustie has one of the hardest golf courses in the world, the Open turns up every so often, and golfers who've had their round wrecked by it call it Carnasty. The town itself is quiet, decent and full of retired folk walking dogs, which explains why dog fouling tops the list of what gets reported here.
The kitchens are the weak spot. Food businesses get told to improve at twice the typical Scottish town's rate, and the takeaways at more than twice. And some bampot keeps having a go at the paddling pool on the front. A paddling pool.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Carnoustie's 95 for broadband means it's crapper than 95% of towns.
- Broadband95/10018.9% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 32.7% across the Angus council area
- Food hygiene79/10010.4% told to improve, of the 48 food businesses inspected
- Sewage spills72/100
- Rain52/100129 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Deliberate fires8/1005.8 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Anti-social behaviour8/1003.3 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Criminal damage and arson1/1002.6 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions1/1000.4 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Air pollution0/1003.0 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.0 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Arbroath | 60 |
| 2 | Montrose | 41 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.3 | Forfar | 37 |
| 4 | Carnoustie | 19 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Carnoustie by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 25.4 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 53% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 8 reports of dog fouling on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026
- Excellent Carnoustie's bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 7 hairdressers, 1 bookmaker, 1 bank on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 20.0% of takeaways inspected told to improve (2 of 10) Worse: 2.2x the typical Scottish town's 9.1%
- 1 banking hub opened here
- 4 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 3.5 per 10,000 people, 2.2x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.42am last bus out on a Wednesday Better: Later than the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.1% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 2.2x the typical town's 0.5%
- 9.1% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 41% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,577 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Angus council
- £1,599 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £54 less than the Scottish average
- 33% of Angus council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 8% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 28 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Better: 24.5 per 100,000 residents, 29% lower than Scotland's 34.7
- 96.0% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Carnoustie against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.