Crap Towns / Moray / Lossiemouth
Lossiemouth
11/100Crap Score
Known as Lossie. Locals are Codheids.
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 11. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Lossie. Pardon? Lossie.
Two beaches, a lighthouse and fighter jets going over the chippy at full throttle.
Lossiemouth calls itself the Riviera of the North, and with two beaches and a bit of sun it's not daft. Then the jets from the RAF base scream overhead. Fucking deafening. The bridge to East Beach was shut for years. They fixed it in the end, and the beach is rated Good.
The gulls are into the bins most nights. Nobody sets the bins on fire, though. The gulls wouldn't stand for it. Folk do leave cars at the side of the road, reported at nearly nineteen times the typical Scottish town's rate, and the storm overflows spill at about a fifth more than the typical town's. Elgin's up the road. Lossie's happy to leave it there.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Lossiemouth's 97 for broadband means it's crapper than 97% of towns.
- Broadband97/10024.0% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 35.9% across the Moray council area
- Rain58/100133 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Sewage spills55/100335 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Food hygiene26/1002.3% told to improve, of the 43 food businesses inspected
- Serious road collisions15/1000.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Criminal damage and arson15/1004.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Anti-social behaviour9/1003.5 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires9/1005.5 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Air pollution0/1002.6 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.2 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Elgin | 36 |
| – | Lossiemouth | 11 |
Lossiemouth by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 28.8 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 47% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 5 reports of abandoned vehicles on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Worse: 7.5 per 10,000 people, 18.8x the typical Scottish town's 0.4
- Good Lossiemouth (East)'s bathing water rating, 2025
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 2 hairdressers on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 5 public toilets on the map (October 2026) Better: 7.5 per 10,000 people, 4.7x the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 10.39pm last bus out on a Wednesday Worse: Earlier than the typical town's 12.14am
- 0.4% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Better: 20% lower than the typical town's 0.5%
- 4.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 74% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,483 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) About the same: About the same as the typical town's 1,532
Moray council
- £1,731 Band D council tax (2026-27) About the same: £78 more than the Scottish average
- 35% of Moray council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 36%
- 37 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 39.7 per 100,000 residents, 14% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Lossiemouth against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.