Crap Towns / Aberdeen City / Dyce
Dyce
17/100Crap Score
Too small for the table, which starts at 10,000 people, but it still scores 17. Higher scores are crapper.
Have your say
Crap Town of the Year 2026/27
See the raceThe public vote. It's separate from the Crap Score, and it closes on 31 December 2027.
Letters from the locals
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agree it's crap have defended it
Dyce. Mind the helicopters.
Aberdeen's airport, a ring of oil company offices and helicopters going over the roofs all day.
Dyce is where Aberdeen keeps its airport, and the helicopters clatter back and forth to the rigs all day. Locals argue about whether the noise is that bad. That's the big local debate. Round the edge it's oil company offices, and in the middle there's a Greggs for the lads waiting on a flight. For a place this size that's nearly five times the typical town's Greggs.
The buses are something else. On a Sunday there are five times as many departures per head as in the typical town. Everyone in Dyce is very keen on getting somewhere else.
What the score is made of
Ten ingredients, each marked out of 100. Higher is crapper.
Dyce's 65 for rain means it's crapper than 65% of towns.
- Rain65/100138 days of rain a year, at least 1 mm, 1991 to 2020 average
- Food hygiene64/1006.8% told to improve, of the 88 food businesses inspected
- Fly-tipping50/100
- Criminal damage and arson48/1006.9 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Deliberate fires44/10018.1 per 10,000 people a year, April 2023 to March 2026
- Broadband43/1007.2% of premises can't get gigabit, January 2026, and 6.9% across the Aberdeen City council area
- Anti-social behaviour18/1005.1 per 1,000 people a year, January 2023 to December 2025
- Serious road collisions14/1000.9 per 10,000 people a year, fatal and serious, 2021 to 2025
- Sewage spills13/10015.5 spill hours per 10,000 people a year, storm overflows within 1 km, 2025
- Air pollution12/1006.3 µg/m³ of nitrogen dioxide and 4.3 of fine particles, 2024 average
| Pos | Town | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Aberdeen | 51 |
| In danger of becoming nice from here down.– | Dyce | 17 |
Below the dashed line: in danger of becoming nice.
Dyce by numbers
Thinking of moving here? Don't say we didn't warn you.
Crime, muck and dodgy water
- 44.0 crimes per 1,000 people a year (January 2023 to December 2025) Better: 19% lower than the typical Scottish town's 54.4
- 1 reports of potholes and bad road surfaces on FixMyStreet, the most reported problem in the year to October 2026 Better: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 75% lower than the typical Scottish town's 5.6
What's left on the high street
- 3 pubs, 4 hairdressers, 2 charity shops, 1 bookmaker, 1 Greggs on the map here as of 1 October 2026
- 1 bank branch closure announced since 2022 Worse: 14.3 per 100,000 people, 4.2x the typical town's 3.4
- 1 public toilet on the map (October 2026) Worse: 1.4 per 10,000 people, 13% lower than the typical town's 1.6
Getting about, getting online, getting rained on
- 12.15am last bus out on a Wednesday About the same: About the same as the typical town's 12.14am
- 1.5% of premises can't get superfast broadband (January 2026) Worse: 3x the typical town's 0.5%
- 1.0% live more than 400 metres from a park or play space Better: 94% lower than the typical town's 15.5%
- 1,452 hours of sunshine a year (1991 to 2020 average) Worse: 5% lower than the typical town's 1,532
Aberdeen City council
- £1,748 Band D council tax (2026-27) Worse: £95 more than the Scottish average
- 28% of Aberdeen City council's unclassified roads should have been considered for maintenance (2025-26) Better: 22% lower than Scotland's 36%
- 90 ombudsman complaints decided in 2025-26, none upheld Worse: 40.2 per 100,000 residents, 16% higher than Scotland's 34.7
- 91.5% of the streets checked passed as clean (2025-26) About the same: About the same as Scotland's 92.2%
- More on the council
Have a crap-off
Dyce against your mate's town, and a match ticket to rub it in.
- ?Fly-tippingper 1,000, council area?
- ?Anti-social behaviourper 1,000 people?
- ?Serious road crashesper 10,000 people?
- ?Sewage spillshours per 10,000 people?
- ?Food hygienerated poor?
- ?Criminal damageper 1,000 people?
- ?Dirty airµg/m³?
- ?No gigabitof premises can't get it?
- ?Deliberate firesper 10,000 people?
- ?Raindays a year?
Ten ingredients. One verdict. Who's crapper? The higher Crap Score takes it.